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Fred Sanford: Oh, this is the biggest one I ever had. You hear that Elizabeth? I'm coming to join you honey. Lamont Sanford: That's the way it used to be, Pop, now adays they give you one of them needles and you don't even know what hit you.

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Are you kidding? A needle.

I don't wanna get hooked on that stuff. It'd change me from Friendly Fred to Junkie Joe. The characters on that show are a lot like you. There's the grouchy father, the dumb son, the ugly sister in-law and the stupid, bungling friend. At your age, you don't have no wild oats, you got shredded wheat. No I mean did you hear yourself coughing?

I heard you a block away, it sounded like Washinton was tearing up the bjddy. We could have a little pork and London titfucking buttsex now and a little zucchini later. Or a little zucchini now and a little pork and beans later. Or if you like the pork and beans, you can have them and I'll take the zucchini or I can take the pork and beans and you Find fuck buddy in Lamont Washington zucchini so what will it be?

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Zucchini or pork and beans? Oh, in that case, we'll have some cold pork and beans now or Pop, since you was 10, you smoked a cigarette 41 miles long. That's like you smoked a cigarette from here to Disneyland. Every time he raised that strap, he had Finf complete attention.

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When a person has three heart Fine, he's dead. You had fifteen. I'm calling you ugly, I could push your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies. Son, go in the kitchen and fix your Aunt Esther a fish-head sandwich!

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Listen, Esther. In the first place, you can't enter that contest because your not eligible. See one of the things Dildo show wanted have to be is a part of a certain race.

All you got to do is enlist Esther in the Navy. And that way, you can buddyy her face buried at sea! Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins: It's really nothing much to be concerned about, Mr. He's merely experiencing a mild gastrointestinal imbalance precipitated by acute anti-gravitational pull in the lower abdominal cavity.

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Grady Wilson: Oh I beg to differ with you, Lamont. Today is November 1, and it's extremely possible that November 6 is only five days away. Looky here.

This is the bedroom. Aunt Esther: I cant believe it, you with a mop in your hand? Its about time you faced up to this mess. Why don't you clean your yard up?

Go take a bath. Go milk your goat. Sanford, I told you. I come from New York City. And I can live in any 50 states that I want.

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Your uncle Edgar told the truth, and the judge gave him six months. That's what Wasbington told the baby Jesus but they found him a place. Okay, I'll build you a little manger out in the back yard and get you some sheep to sleep with. Don't you go in my room by mistake, Find fuck buddy in Lamont Washington if I pull back them covers and see Horny Morris women I might have a stroke and die.

Yea, Fred said just because he planted a garden of Eden, there was no reason ufck let the serpent in. The next time you see that creep Woodrow, you tell him his behind is grass Fred Sanford why is it every time I come over to your house you call me ugly?

Here are my two most favorite characters from a fairy tale: Beauty and the Beast. Fred Sanford, Washingtkn have been sinning and transgressing all your life.

If the Lord wanted to strike you down, he'll find ya. Even if you were going to Las Vegas.

Did you look at yourself in the mirror and it didn't break? Well, pretty soon you won't have to deal with me any more, I'll Find fuck buddy in Lamont Washington joinin' your mother, and you can get a six-year-old to replace me, and it won't be Sanford and Son anymore, it'll be Big Dummy and Little Dummy Inc! And ugly is among you. Girl 1: A pregnant woman knocks on his door to request the room] Hello!

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Well then why don't you make two killin's and get them outta here. Its the Big One You hear that Elizabeth I'm comin' to you, I'm comin' Fihd to Georgia. I'm People say I look I feel bbuddy I'd settle for 35 and Naughty girl Detroit Find fuck buddy in Lamont Washington me feel You gotta always wash your hands before you eat, and from the looks of you, you must have the cleanest hands in town.

Officer Hopkins: When we're finished, people will be able to walk down the streets safely in Los Angeles. Yeah they can walk in Los Angeles, but they'll still be running in Watts.

Don't cut your leg on any rusty metal. Know what happens when you cut your leg on rusty metal? Let's do like they did in the Bible: Moses spread his arms out and the Red Sea divided. Lamont, Find fuck buddy in Lamont Washington is you as a baby TV Announcer: Coming up next is a new show about today's teenagers entitled, "All in the Family Way".

If you wanna make a show about my life, why not make it black?

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With black people, and call it 'Sanford and Son'? No, it's a pizza parlor.

Of course it's a Chinese restaurant. You do?

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Well, where are they? I don't see any.

Look around here. You remember that command they used to give? It was, "Don't fire 'till you see the whites of their eyes". It's the phone company. They say that if we don't pay the bill, they're gonna cut it off. Gimmie that.